I'm being as straight out as possible. I THINK YOU HAVE A MENTAL PROBLEM. First you got kicked out of this website for writing about being a pedophile, then you start asking unnecessary personal questions. You're statements don't always make sense, and you have bad grammar. I just can't let you win little man. :)
seek help, you'll be ok
if it's that bad here's a number you can call 1-800-448-4663 no matter who you are, they will try to help.